Captain Trump: Civil War

*Obligatory Marvel Studios Logo*

The battle lines have been drawn, friends, and it is time to choose sides. Reacting to the rise of Captain Trump and his cries of revolution against the Republican Establishment, Iron Mitt has openly begun the Civil War that has been brewing since July, and now the entire arsenal of SHIELD….er….I mean the money of the Establishment’s Super Pacs, shall be focused on Captain Trump and his supporters. In his speech, Iron Mitt declared that Trump was “a phony” and unfit to be President of the United States. Captain Trump immediately fired back, declaring that Mitt “was a failed candidate” and that Iron Mitt would have “dropped to his knees” for his endorsement during his failed presidential bid.

This conflict has been bubbling just beneath the surface ever since it became apparent that Trump’s meteoric rise to the top of the polls was no fluke, and that he indeed had staying power. Yet amidst a crowded field of heroes like Chris Christie (secret identity: Spider Man), there was no concerted effort to deny Captain Trump the nomination. Now however, the concerted efforts of the entire donor class are focused squarely on Trump, and yet it is having no effect.

Amazingly, Mitt’s speech BOOSTED Captain Trump’s poll numbers and had a hand in delivering crucial victories in Michigan and Mississippi. So far, Trump seems unstoppable, especially since he has added a new power to his arsenal – any attack on him simply makes him stronger and destroys the attacker – which allows him to remain unscathed in the face of seething opposition.

In four days, the nomination could be decided in Ohio and Florida. If Trump takes both, he will have unstoppable momentum and cruise to victory. However, if John Kasich manages to hold him off in his home state of Ohio, the war figures to continue into April.

*End Credits*

*Nick Fury walks into frame, and points to Ohio on the map, screen goes black*

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